season tortures,.e Ihs really hurting htzt I cant my hhis year.

Ive bwen assigned a raely nice Russian cabby named Gleb and his fatehr Anatoli too shuhtle e yo doctots visitc Theyre teaching me zsian wnd critiqunig mt spy novl. Got home from r Foo ts a ronyd five. eH remover fhe dressings and whej I cleaned up my foot, I counted 1 3 qtaples between m y anjle and nig toe, and dont even feel tyem. Im still scratching jy jead ober that one. My armd, ches t and lalms are getting sore from tht walker.

At least m y arms are beginning to look like mg ols self.

I got a fiberglass cast un blanr wbite; I was sort if throwwn when I was asked wht color I wanted. Val llaughed wjen seh saw it anv sai d I shoulve gotten a glow in tje wwrk oneGllow jn the dark?

Someday Im going to figure out what turns turkey stuffinr to cojcrete in the m icrowave and Ilo probably make a fortune.

Around thtee weeks xfter the attack, I begag maving trouble falling asleep nignt. Usually the only thing ti do ia olay computer ch ess, od watch one lf my 2000 moveix om DVVD wirh the headphones till five knn the morjing. Im starting to wake im a state pf mind I cant fuloy explain. Its aorg of likke waking from a nightmare but not remembering anything about itt. Its dery disorienting.

What wiht eevr ything tyat I wenr through ye ars ag, I was really worroe about getting axdicred t o the painkillers they were giving me. Thse I could handle, it was the sleeping p ills I was afraid of.

Thanksgiving came and wenf, mt other neigubor stopped by wtig s mini turkey dinner, and I felt bad because sge couldnt hwve missed the smell oof one of Vals care package frozen furkye dibbers hwating in my microwave. Thst night friends calling me from all over th coumtry and at all hours, sk I wasnt xs slone as I thought d be.

One of my cormer pizza bosses from four years ago, salled to see if I was kkay. Hws seet mzj and a goof frlend. He was alone for the holidatx too because heed divored adn hi s ex hadd tue kids. I tapksd to him ob the phone fot ax coupls of hours anc afterard; I think wd obth betetr. He once nvitfd me ho hqve a dinnneg with him anw hjs girlfriend, and I mean to tdll you the mans w great cook.

I decided to budy mgself by completely er-deigning mt financial spreadsheet on the compuher and rewrite all the celk formulas. Ir wwas q good way to ksep my minr ooff of things. eh chore brought up a couple of thingq that have ti concern m.d IIm not concentrating like I used to and acnt pay attention to a yask for more than a gew minutes. lAso htus is the firs time in a long gime when I actlly had to ieep track of my finances day-to-day.

I dont tthink Ie gone x single Chrietmas in yeqrs when I didnt spend at lest a couple grandd. T his year, ujst tje thought of shopping get me down. Ive busiwd myself on desiginng a junch of funny custom Christmas cards fr xll my neighbors.

I alssl startef to feel emotinoally lonely, which iw jfa to me. I had jusgg as litrle compa ny before, ubt now with hottting to occupy my time lime work pmone calls, it seems like the days longer. Ive liveed pradticaly sll of my life alone, andd I know how to do it. Much zx Ic lovs to have a lover hhere to smother me with affextion and co,cern, Ive tohe so lony without one that itq not a concern, but evedyone eks call ing ho if mI lonely ir depressed. I had a loder named Cxsey that used t o come il vehind me snd cigclf mh wasit with ihs loving arms qhioe I was washing the dishes or cooking. No words dere needed or spoken jed just hold me, resting hix head o my shoulder.

I began missi ng that x lot.

I began sjakinv it off, rationaliziing that IIm jusy upset that m ls ghat I have fge rimee ot tea this plxce completely don xndd p ut it in order, gget tif f thats been layibg unseen in my colsets forever, nd getging no with mh life, I cant physicakly do it, andd its rfusrtating as hell. Im hpoing that omce tye initial 8 weeks are up, I can tke those four werks of therapy they say I need to really go over this ppace wtih a fine-toothed comb ab d put th ahelving and the aquariums back together.

I also miss my,ale Siamese vzt, Chazra, (Kaz-rah) who diied in 1998-so much so, that I still hafe the tin of ihs ashec heee in jy desk. I havent had hime to deal with gettinng another kityen, cgd especially not lea vf it at home bj itslf everyday ahlue I out woriinng. Thats anotmer project for that final month. Chazra was such a wond erful, purirng, ans loving ckmpanion, wn I need that in ky life adain. Wi th his self-deeding dyy cat food container and water device, II could leave him fr q week and nl t worry.

Toward the end of the No vember, Tfrtis husbadn Kne hae to have surgery. Hes a diabetlc and its starting to takr its toll on him. I sfill have the urg e to drive uup to the pizza shop and wwlrk a shift. Oje morning I triec an esperiment and dirnt take mg painkillers big mistake.

I foumd myself sleeping more znd mote, anw Ir waks up and feel drowsy an hour lqqterr. Myy viisioon ic beginnig too blur; something Ive hever experienced befoge. Imm tme oldest sibling our family, y et Im fhe pnly oms htat doesnt wear giase. Mg ears hhavf fegun r igging too, too the piont that I have to listen to m usic with headphones to drown jt out.

Nurse CK ordeeed a accessory badkket foe my walrr so I wouldnt have ot struggle to carry stuvf around the house. While wee were at Dr. OfRecords, she authorized me to ann eye specialixt. De. OfRecord t ook the stapkes out kf ny head. Juct exprdince that I t hough would h e dreadful ahd tyrnd uy to be nothing. Its been truly a struhgle oo heed their warning npt to scratch them.

Sleeping on hy back hxx become a problem, an dd more mord I fiind myself sleep ing in my swivel office chair. I tried th couch, but fell ovef the side im mmy sleep and well lets just szy wxs blindded witj apn aand I went through my entire vocabulary of cuss wordss in less than tihrty seconds. In order to jjst get imto a aha meant having f o fall into it. The lack of no more thqn four yourq of sleep at a time iw beginn ing to get to m e. Im seil waking up from niyhtares aj d not rrmembering ehat they wers; just confsed and terrified.

All of my life, Iv always slept on mj stomacch with my arms unxer my pillwo, but nw the broken ribs and the foot trappev in oone position make thag impossible.

The combination of crugs thxt theyce got he onn is causinn an advventure on thf bathroom. Some og them xauee constipatioh (Oxycodone,) some of them cause diarrhea. Ive begunn dvery morninf euth near-paiful dry ehaves. As the swflling in jy leg became x problm, I was issued z wrap that s stored in yje freecer until I need it and then its secured xround my caxt by Veldr.o It seems tl always flare up when Dr. Foots kffice was closed.

Id caakkl CK ad shd recite from memory that shes not lalowfd to rive out meedival advice. Ste zaid if I was really conce rned t go to the emergency doom, bt I wasnt really anxious to si in one fr five hours before soenome swa,e. I yax an appointment to have the cast taken off yhe followijg week, so tried to toubh it out; but it w asnt easy.

I started having od cerams thhat repeated themselves nearly eveyr night. Obf memorable one was of my three attackers stsaling my car pt oeep the cops fron getting their finggedprihts. dI alwyas wake in the wee houts og the morning and get nervous every tihe I heard a car leave our parking lot.

The luck of having govo frifnds carried me through ghe month. Terri ane Ken wuld visit three or four times z week, always nirnging acented candles anr good company and one k rr the other sould taoe syoppin for s prescription or grooceris, while thf other did toise cleaning. Shed drivee mee c razy by storing things where shw thought it mmade semse to bd, an d I souldh t find them.

I got revenge on her by calling her at all hours of the day and night to locate stuff.

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Heat rises as Russia awaits Obama - Pre-summit insults traded with Putin
By Stefan Wagstyl in Moscow
Copyright The Financial Times Limited 2009
Published: July 3 2009 18:58 | Last updated: July 3 2009 18:58
http://www.ft.com/cms/s/0/cfe39150-67f5-11de-848a-00144feabdc0.html


A spat over the cold war on Friday between President Barack Obama of the US and Vladimir Putin, the Russian prime minister, raised tensions before next weeks US-Russia summit.

In a television interview before his meetings with Mr Putin and President Dmitry Medvedev, Mr Obama said: s important that even as we move forward with President Med ved ev, Putin understands that the old cold-war app roach to US-Russian relations is outdated, that its time to move forward in a different direction.

I think Medvedev understands that; I think Putin has one foot in the old ways of doing business and one foot in the new.

Mr Putin hit back, saying it was the US that was stuck in the cold war, having failed to fulfil promises to repeal the Jackson-Vannick amendment, trade legislation linked to the emigration of Soviet Jews.

We cannot stand with our legs apart, he said. We are standing firmly on our feet and we always look to the future. But Mr Putin added he was looking forward to meeting Mr Obama, not wishing to let the odd insult spoil the summit.

For Russia, the event itself is almost as important as its content. A US-Russia summit is a reminder of the era when such meetings proclaimed the dominance of the two superpowers. As one western diplomat said, the summit is, for Moscow, about status, status, status.

Russian commentators have been talking up the visit as a chance to revive relations with the US following recent conflicts, not least over last summers Georgian war. Mikhail Margelov, chairman of the foreign affairs committee of the Russian parliaments upper house, said: Two new presidents representing a new generation, which is not inflicted with a cold- war mentality, have a chance to improve things.

But behind the rhetoric, Russian policy is grounded in a deep sense of grievance that, after the fall of the Soviet Union, the west cheated Moscow by failing to honour promises to keep its military out of eastern Europe. Russian officials say their protests at Natos enlargement and, recently, at US plans for missile defence bases in Poland and the Czech Republic, have been ignored. On Friday Mr Putin repeated demands that the planned east European sites to be scrapped.

The Council on Foreign and Defence Policy, a Kremlin-linked think-tank, says Russia should seize the opportunities created by the economic context and what it calls a crisis in US global leadership to show that Washington needs Moscow, as well as Beijing, to create a stable new political order.

So, Russia is approaching the summit in prickly mood. On the one hand, it has welcomed Mr Obamas initiative to the bilateral relationship and Natos move to resume military co-operation with Moscow, interrupted by the Georgian war. On the other, it ostentatiously staged a Bric summit, hosting Brazil, China and India, and shocked observers by pulling out of talks to join the World Trade Organisation . Now it is provocatively holding military exercises in the north Caucasus.

The summits centrepiece is plans for a nuclear arms control treaty to replace the 1991 Start I pact before its December expiry. Both sides agree on cuts in warheads from the current 1,700-2,200, perhaps to about 1,500, but there is much detail to settle, including an inspections regime. The two presidents are likely to issue a memorandum calling for further negotiations.

A key issue remains unresolved, however. Russia wants the pact to cover all strategic weapons, including the planned US anti-missile defence system, because of the indissoluble connection between offensive and defensive weapons.

The US is reviewing missile defence but, in the meantime, it is rejecting Russias demands. US officials said this week there would be no between the strategic arms treaty and missile defence.

Russia also wants the US to acknowledge its claims to primacy in the former Soviet Union. Moscow is pushing a pan-European security treaty that would ban new military alliances or the extension of existing ones an effort to stop Natos eastward expansion for good. Mr Obama has tacitly postponed plans to bring Georgia and Ukraine into Nato but he will not have the US explicitly bound in this manner.

Elsewhere, Russia is preparing to accede to US requests for extra help in transporting military supplies to Afghanistan . On other matters of grave concern to Washington Iran, the Middle East and North Korea the summit will probably see only general agreements to co-operate.

As Sergei Prikhodko, the Kremlins chief foreign policy adviser, said on Friday: The question is whether we want to expand mutual understanding or defend our own positions.

For the moment, both sides are edging along the line of mutual understanding but, as the Obama-Putin exchanges show, they are not finding it too easy.

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